do i really "love you"?

in that time we were together, no doubt i wud have never qustioned my love for you bkus i new it was there. when i said "i love you" i truelly ment it in that moment and time that we both shared.
but now that we parted ways, i start to wonder...do i really love you?
i no most say i love you but im not in love with you.
but i love my mother & wen "i love you" is said from me to her, its an unconditional meaning type of love
i truely dont love you, bkus "i love you" is a forever thingg.
my mother always told me love for your family is different for your friends and lovers
but...is it really?
i mean wen i tell my mothr or my family i love you, i mean alot of care behind it
and it felt the same when i told you, just not as strong.
i didnt mean to hurt you, when i told you i dont love you anymore.
i just really thought about "us" and it wasnt love....but it was 2 ppl enjoying one anothers companyy.
it took me this far out of "us" being ended for me to say i dont love you.
it was all in the moment, i admit that. but yet whos isnt?
dont we all say it in the moment to the person we supposibly "love"
but then when the break up sets in we stop loving them.
how is that possible?
maybee its just the weed my dreams are smokingg. but i can nvr tell my mom i dont love her.
or maybe is the love different from yur mom to ur lover?
i dont view it differntlyy, if either died...i'd be in tears if we were together
so how do i really noe if i loved you?
some say "if you can xplain why you love someone, thn it isnt love"
but i can explain several reason why i love my mom..as sad as it is for a xample.
its truee...we all love are mothrs no matter what & pretty sure we wudnt leave are moms evn if they said i hate you & they aktually ment it.
ven if my mom walked out on me & didnt come home for 5 days i'd still forgive her.
but similar thing happend wit me & my ex where she didnt contact me bak for 3 days & i ended it.
so no, i didnt love her.
every ex-girl friend i've evre had i dont love.
loves a unconditional forevr type thing, so nxt time when you say..think b4 you speakk

sex.

i dnt get why so many ppl are against sex. when i say tht i mean like they hide from it in a sense. sex is literallyy the biggest thing in a teens life if you think about it. sometimes without us even recognizingg
girls with fat asses, you know whats running thru a guys mind, no need to say it. same goes for big ass tits.
girls take myspace picturess in panties and claim its the same as a bikini. well to guy his mind wen ur in a bikini is different then that picture in yur panties.
bkus at the pool were not constantlyy thinkin bout poundin the breaks off you.
but depending on how sexy of a posee & how good you look, we'll leave a dirty comment
alot of guys do it, when a guy comments your picture not saying nothing dirtyy, hes thinkin dirtyy. either "i'll fuck the shit outa you" or something else
ima guy, i do it alllll the time lol sounds real dogish of me, but your nvr guna meet a guy tht doesnt have sex floating his mindd & surprisinglyy its on are minds more then you gurls think about it. we'll say to are right hands like "damn, she bad" guys'll say it jus menes we think you look good. but naa, it menes we'll fuck the shit outaa you. i've done it countless times. its in are blood. some just hide it better then others. me? i'll prolly hide it the most out of any guyy. just because i respect the gurl enuf to not be a perve. but honestlyy..thts whats goin in are minds. as long as you look good and got a bomb bodyy, its in are mindss.
so every pic comment you get on a pic liek tht chances are guy thot about somethin nasty in his head. not saying it'll get him "happy" but if you said lets fuck he'd be the first to answerr. or if you update your status with somethin semi freakyy he'd be the 1 to write you. now theres nothing bad about it, girls just dont like guys tht come off like that str8 foward and chances are wont reply to the msg. and thats understandable. but hes lookin wit 1 thing in mind & you no wat it is.
im not the type tht'll barely know you & ask you to hit. thts not my flow. im not a disrespectful asshole. my mom raised me better, not sayin others dudes moms didnt but my mom tought me to only bring it out in the bedroom or where ever the sessions goin on at.
now for the girls idk how anything goes with you...idk whats in your head wen you see a guy. but i'll take a guess...actually no..i cant.
becausee i honestlyy cant evn think of what runs thru yur head. use are so conservative with your body language and actions that we just dont noe.
sex is just everywhere nowadaes, in the music..even the clothes. the shirts with xtra cleveage. you noe what they guy lookin at.
sex is like the modern day underground railroad..every1 noes its goin on and noes its happening. but no1s saying anything.
girls are so cautious wit who they have sex with. if they have a fuck buddy all of the sudden there judged as bein easyy. what if there not easyy they js dnt wana be dickless?
its definetlyy understandablee. i mene y go so long being lonelyy & nuffin. js get some1 who you can trust & no wont say anything. and simplyy has sex. when the 20s come in booty kalls will be frequentt..even in solidified relationships booty kalls will happen
all in the matter if you got the goods or not. but baq on cuddy buddying...just bekus you have sex with some1 thts not a lover does not make you a hoe. suckin a dick does not make you a hoe either.
i eat pussyy..nuffin bad aboutt it...i actually tend to love it...long as the smell aint there your good
now tht doesnt mene i'll eat anyone out. kus it isnt like tht.
to me, a girl who has sex wit a fuk buddy is just lookin for a good time. any body tht thinkx its other wise, well to me i think ur a lil to conservative. thts my opinion. nothin bad about bein like that. just sex is way blown out of proportion like its the forbidden sport. as long as you have a condom at hand, as the wise words of the great rick james "shes a superfreak, superfreak, shes superfreakyy yeaaa-ooowwww"

whyyy so seriuss?

at such a young age im experiencing & noticingg alot of females act the same
like yur bf or w.e tells you & its str8 taken to the heart. like we hurt your self esteem
like for instance, a guy dates a gurl. he one day tells her idc to something she was sayin. outta mid-air she likes well why do you have to be so rude. tht right there jus tells me they take it to the heart. jus bkus some1 says something your not use to hearing does not mean there intentions are bad to you
like ppl nowadaes ask for honestyy but the saying remains true, "you cant handle the truth" and really as much as we ask for it we hate hearingg it. unless your like me & have a kanye west "cant tell me nothin" type thing goin. kus if i dnt evenm giv a fuk wat my own mothr says, damn sure not guna giv a fuk about wat you sayy
but lik i guess it also hits home to alot of ppl bkus alot of the times the 2 agree on things. then all of the sudden you js say idc or idgaf it changes rele quik bkus obviouslyy since use are always agreeing there guna expect tht.
but they tell you str8 up what every1 wants..wich is honestyy
girls dnt no wat they want in guys at this age. guys are getting less and less relationship bkus everything is so confusing and beating around the bush is a habbit for many. i take a roll in tht. relationships js a big "?" to me. and other times honestyy does get out of handd.
but as a person you alredy noe not every1s guna like you so be prepared if a blunt asshole walks up to you in public & puts yorr nastyy lookin shoes on blastt.
chances are, hes bein ignorant kus there actually uglyy. many wud take offense to it. al tho theres other ways of doing it and saying it to some1.
and i hate the whole "your my friend, i'd expect this from some1 else..not you" tht typah saying in a situation when a fren tells you there honest opinion. and you get hurt by it.
or like when yur frens tell you to not mess with this prsn, listen to them. 9/10 times your frens are lookin out for yur best interest and in the long run are 100% right. you just dont wana hear it because you like the chase and you think that your so special that he'll change the player ways and end up wifein you.
but baq to realityy. NO. hes guna play you and as many times girls think there wifeyy they may even be sidelinnee more js not knowing it.
i on the otherr hand was str8 up with a prsnn but still beated around the bush. not perfect but eventually kame aroundd and for tht im not mad at myself for loose'in them.
thts why alot of blunt/honestt ppl are hatedd. bkus they voice there opinion on some1 and bang, what do you get. a stupid little petty fight bkus some1 was tlkin "shit" wen in reality your fighting them over wat they think of you.

i thot ppl were entitled to there own opninion?

drakee spooff lmfao;

drakess on funkmaster flex radioo showw & doesnt do to bad of a jobb.
but i stumbled acorss a parody of it wich has me dyinn
heres the original drake freestylee;
[pay close attention to his actions, words etc]

heres the parodyy with affion crocket;
lmao at the eyebrows & hair line, even the guy wit the shirt nxt to drake is the samee.

another drake parodyy i rolled by is a guy named alphacat wich did a hilarious ass parody of best i ever hadd.
so did affion crockett lmao. heres the original "best i ever had" video;

all im saynn is BOOOOBBSSSSSS ! lmao

heres the affion crockett parodyy "you a mess";

lmao againn at his hairlinee, then his wayne parody at the end had me ballin

heres the alphacat one, this 1 just overal funny as fk lmao

"i was on degrassy, hottest wheel chair performance" lmfao.

jay-z feat. rihanna & Ye "run this town" videoo revieww

im really pleasedd with how the video came out its been awhile since i seen any videos of this level.
really detailed with the songg in my opinion. but honestlyy i thot it cud've been better instead of a midevil timing it cuda been more of like a hurricane katrinaa type thing & so on from there
the beat is really good, nothing bad about it produced by kanye & no i.d i think.
has a kinda similar thing to D.O.A but im not complainin
the hook was good especially wit rihanna on there
but the main reason why i even watched the video is for kanye, i just wanted to hear how hard he went in on this one. since he doesnt do much music any more any feature i can listen to i'll take at first hand.
he didnt let me down in this song completelyy killed it, if he was only more consistent with his song making he'd easily be the best rapper. kus lyrically hes wayyy nicee lol
heres the video thoo;

bestt rapperr aliveee

now this is a really argueable topic but i resent saying waynes the best alive. bkus at the time i didnt rely think of other rappers. i js new wayne was the hottest in the industryy and he is, but i didnt take everything into consideration.
noww jay-z is the best rapper alive. from album consistency to lyrics to album sales to respect in the industryy to being the mentor of every new rapper and mentoring the industries greatest todayy ; kanye west, rihanna js to name a few. hes really respected within hip hop and is looked up to where many other rappers view each other as peers, jay-z isnt a peer. hes mad a big impact on hiphop and still continues to do soo. his name is always mentioned in top 5 best rappers to ever hit the mic & quite franklyy i dnt disagree. hes not my taste of music but i giv credit where its needed. i also cant disagree becaues his lyrics still remain at a consistent level. his album consistencyy is relyy on pointt came out in 96 with reasonalble doubt and has been having album sales tht many rappers dont reach. hes overal in my opinion the best out right now.
now lyrically the best to me is eminem.
but jay-z is overal the best out. point blank

has technologyy broken relations ?

i started to think about alot of things & like many ppl my age myspace, texting etc is js life..idk how else to put it but everything we do now we always have texting there in are pockets & purses. i no to me its truee because my sidekick is always at hand whether i be on myspace or txting im doing 1 of the other or sleeping. as im writing i think how was life before myspace & everything became what it is. gettin at some1 has become so much easier bkus behind are cell fones and computer screens we feel a sense of protection. and quality time with 2 ppl has gone outthe window thnx to txting bkus you txt so much you lose interest in 1 another so fast tht hanging out just becomes something tht doesnt matter. calling some1 back then was huge 2, now its not tht big bkus txting but kalling some1 is still in some what.
getting to noe som1 baq then took time but now txting and evrything makes getting to know some1 literally a 1 nite thing and its soo true bkus it happens to me all the time. you learn so much about a person so fast thnx to texting.
butt i dont blame txting for none of it because its the users tht make it so high priorityy in a sense that they wudnt do it in prsn. i dont tell some1 i literally just met i wana fuck them, even in person i wont just outa respect. but other ppl i tlk to have told me tht some ppl txt them and within 15 minutes of txting one another one prsn says something about fuckin the 1 thts txting them. but in prsn they wudnt even bring it up probablyy
all im saying is the internet and everything does at a 2nd thought or soo seem to get out of hand. i fell into it shit no fronts lol i always txt and myspace my dayss away. while im at the "mall" or anywhere im txting. i dnt speke of nastyy things unless its the other 1st. but i txt bkuss its somethin thts occupying my time and what not and i tend to txt interesting ppl. so it pays its selff off lol

the "twitter" epidemic

a little out of hand i have a twitter i made one and i dont even use it. just because its that fuckin pointless. its gotten so commercial so quicklyy CNN has 1 and 106 & park obviouslyy has one even mini-me from austin powers look alike jon mccain has one.
wtf does he have 1 for? he can barely lift his fuckin arm up
im justt sayingg i see ppls point on twitter like this 1 guy famous j where he explained how he use to hate it & his fren told him bout it and he was iffy but then wen u get good and interesting replies tht it starts getting good & what not.
but yet twitter to mee seems still a little stupid altho i can see where hes coming from
thers nothing much you can realy do on it its basically like myspace status's & the status comments..actually thts what it is. its just renamed as twitter.
idk ; i dont get the hype behind it. in my eyes it remains STUPID especially with all the communication out alreadyy..myspace & aim alone are a hassle then on top of that you got the ppl yur txting.im speaking from a cell fone point of view by the wayy. then twitter on top of it jus makes it 2 much

what does it take to make you happy

i always wondered since everyone isnt the same what makes me happy can make someone angry and vice versa. but wit the world how it does with highlighter pants on dudes wich even to me is a little over the top. just alotta other shit teens have to go thru. im still young and "love" isnt rely in my happy list. you got the bullshit obligations tht you feel you have to tell them where your going and etc and if u dnt the guiltyy sets in, well on me it doess. i've noticed so many times things we want but kant get to and e get kinda annoyed bkus we cant get it ; but yet we have alot more then others what happend if we just got satisfied wit w.e we have. i guess thts the key to happiness..not wanting me then what you have. meening in a sense of your perfectlyu fine with where your at in your life, nothing is unbalanced. you dont want something more then this or that. but we all have tht & still seems to obtain impossible status. kus the conclusion we'll never b happy. whoever we date ; we'll always have doubts tht we kan do better and want more. then we complain like this is bad or this without even telling are significant other are truee feelings.
"happiness is a process" as my faggel ass elementary councelor said..but i still dont get wtf he means by that. sure i've had moments where im at peace with myself..sometimes days & weeks on in. not all the time tho. but the times we feel high of are selves & just so compfortable and regular are the times we are happy. and idk about others but to me im happy over the littlest of things lol. as weird as it sounds but thts where the quote "little things mean more then bigger things" plays its role& idk if i worded the quote correctly, but bare with me.
like i remember wen i was lil but younger my mom use to come out at the randomest time & say you want some burger king and for some reason i use to always get hype as fuk lol then wen i'd get it eat it i'd js be relaxedd and all tht good shit. & not even frontin i still gt happy as fk' wen my mom asks me lol. not kus i dnt eat burger king on a regular basis kus i do [1-3 times a week] but just bkuss me like wen random things tht i lik catch m off guard & they come at me i js get soo ovr excited for some reason on the inside lol but i dnt show it kus its classfied as kid shit.
this shit was not proof read or anythinggg so xcusee the fuck upss

wtf i look like

im tired of meetin new ppl..mainly girls & still they spit the same shit as the last
like you brag all day on your myspace page & this and that but wen u finally get something thts actually real you end up everything you were against
tlkin bout how you dont play mind games this & that. but yet you always have an excuse to everything. not even good ones, they suck ass. stop bein little ass girls & man the fuck up. dead ass if any of you girls do this you deserve everything bad you got in a relationship, you deserve to get cheated, you deserve to get lied to.
its just like every gurls the same in a different disguise...i didnt beleive my mom when she told mee this..but as i meet more & more and start to reveal there true side i realize there not about shit they said they were.
im different this, i dont this, but yet WTF why are you acting like this
wen i said tht i ment a gurl says thru there words but yet her actions speak differently.
its at the point where i beleive actions & words are just waste of jaw muscle
bekus at the end of the day the dude is guna look at yur actions then anything else
you say yur down for me, well fuk it then show me
you say your not like every other chick tht fucked me over, pick ur head up & prove it
dnt worry about me, i'll play my role as i said i would. im stickin to my word...havent i so far?
chances i've given you & you apologize after apology & really make me think something cud come out from all this. but yet still i was wrong, i had it out for you..i doubted u bein like every1 else. but i cant belive tht anymore
then you wana compain to me why you've been single for so long & keep getting fucked with by every guy. well look you naive uncompetent dumbass change your ways & maye ull be percireved differently and walked up to by a proclaimed "good guy"
we all sin, so when you want some1 "good" plz be more specific then you tell me...i thot to myself shes rely this stupid.
you kan have fun & not argue with ne 1..then you dont want a liar...woahh all the sudden tht js drops every from ur site.
you've lied...idk to who but to me. said you wouldnt do tht & you go head and did
i told you where i stood between us...i told you it all, practically poured my hole soul to you, but yet since i do it to everyone it wasnt no biggie to me
unlike you im compfortable wit letting some1 no my opinion
but you no wats the most sad thing then everything anybodies ever done to me...yesterdae was my birthdayy & i didnt forget what you said. wen it hit 12 18 mother fuckin ppl kalled me...i was so happy..everybody tht kalled me dead ass it was heart flt to noe som1 cares about you like tht. but in the middle of it all from the 1st vibration you kame into my head...look at my fone 16 ppl at the same time. ur name wasnt included in there. at the time it didnt matter i was touched to noe tht many ppl were keeping me in mind & didnt forget. especially in a world like todayy
but yet still as the day went by u txt me at 10 o'clock tlkin bout my bad happy birthday sry im late. i ment what i said dnt ever tlk to me again..in 2 hole weekx nothin then out mid air u wana txt me like shits all good?
i told you no 2nd chances b4..unlike some ppl i stick to my word & stand by what i say
i didnt bother pickin up m house fone til the 4rth time u kalled it got so annoying just thinkin about you. nvr said this before but honestlyy you disgust me.
so i picked up...curious to noe wtf do u still want from me..then u gave me the bullshit slob story about how you thot about & how i make you happy
i hung up. told you i was done. i thot i'd eventually come around bkus the feelings were still there. but as i type i kan sayy there not. your a bitch you deserve to get hurt. i dont got no words for you

the point of this blog was me explaining what i said in the beggining then i displayed my own personal problem thts actually true btw to give you a example of what i ment
this wasnt proof read...so excuse me for spelling errors or moments tht didnt make sense..js go back & re-read them & try n comprehend.

understand the hypee

music music & more music is watt all ppl this age base everything on. whether it be to what your wearing or to what yur saying music is literally a word away from any teens convo with a peer.
the main ppl in the music as far as todayys generation is hands down the best out now wich is lil wayne. alot may disagree but more will agree then not.
waynes nothing new to the game, hes been out for 12+ years just wasnt rely on the map until carter 2. carter 1 rose ey brows but carter 2 rely put'em on the scene. from "fireman" to "hustlers muzik" to leather so soft waynes been DOMINATING evrything he touches. dont forget 1 of the biggest words in entertainment "bling bling" lol was creatd by waynee. idk a rapper tht didnt feature wayne on a traq
off the top i no these ppl had'em featured;
-young jeezy
-fabolous
-flo rida
-gorilla zoe
-jay-z
-drakee
-kanye west
the game
& soooo many others. ppl think hes complete trash & lyrically unstable. srry to tell you...but YUR WRONG. wayne is a lyrical beast. all those quotes of his lyrics on ppls myspaces & etc isnt bkus of the "hype" its because wayne was so hungryy to b the best & every song had a harder deliverance then the previous. constant mixtapes getting leaked & tracks. wayne kept shit commin..he didnt stop & isnt. YES. he dos recycle but thts okay..if u or i were a rapper we'd also recycle but word alot of shit differently. thts just wat wayne does. the man creates so much music tht theres a feature of him on a song tht you like..anybody likes. why?. just because his wordplay & flow is catchyy. "hes confident yes, bkus he walks in the studio knowin hes guna kill the track..but he asks himself how am i guna kill it"
when the man quoted tht lil wayne said it in the magazine i couldnt help but agree..he has several different deliveries but all sum into 1 point & thts killin it.
he got the rock thing goin wich prom queen i like alot
he has the regular autotune wich he beasts on
then you have the wayne tht everybody fell in love with..mixtape wayne
this is the "im goin in' feat. drake, the "yes' feat. pharrel. this is to just name a few
but wayne had many phases in his career..hes stil in the begining of it..i meen he only 26 wich for a rapper is pretty young. kanye's alredy 30 or 31. games like 34. so you see he has many more tracks to put out. hes beefin wit idk how many rappers..i honestly dont think anyody wants to beef with him...they noe he has the power the end there career. but also a rapper would wana beef with wayne to get there name up. i meen seriusly if your on youtube & you see "so & so makes diss track on lil wayne" yur tellin me it wont get krammed with views?
xactly it will, tht jus goes to show the magnitude & hype behind him.
i meen lets go bak to 08 the carter 3..a week b4 its due date it was leaked..xactly leaked 964,875 times. & thts alot
but yet he still managed to sell 1 mil. his first week..even with the album bein leaked standing in his wayy
hes respected thru so many ppl in the music bus & vice versa. i dnt see nothing wack about him like others say. say this guys better..but yet why arent i seeing the proof?
NO RAPPER IDC EVER IN HISTORY WILL BE AS CONSISTENT AS WAYNE. NO RAPPER I'VE EVER HEARD OF HAS BEEN FEATURED ON SO MANY OTHERS TRACKS AS MUCH AS WAYNE
i put tht in caps bkus its so true...name me a rapper thts consistent with hits like he is..& not yearlyy weeklyy. hes said to do 6-10 tracks a week. only some of his songs get leaked. the 1s he chooses...thts y he didnt go off on any tracks getting leaked but his album as you may remember him saying fuck all mixtape dj's.
my personal opinion hes a musical genius.
thts all left to say..remember this is my opinion some might agree & some may not..if you dont lik wayne dont tell me y u dnt like wayne unles i ask you..kz truely i like his craft. so yur opinions only guna change my thots about you. nothing else